How to manage wedding day anxiety
A guide to wedding day anxiety for couples and wedding suppliers
Note from Katie
”Weddings are incredible lifetime milestone events, but with all the planning, and expectations, hopes, dreams, and that thing called ‘life’ it can be overwhelming.
It may be taboo to talk about mental health in the wedding planning space, but with 1 in 6 of us experiencing mental health issues, it really is a common experience. According to Mental Health Foundation, a whopping 74% of us have felt so stressed, overwhelmed, or unable to cope in 2019, and that was pre-pandemic!!
Life often doesn’t go the way we expect it to, it gives us challenges and difficult times often when we could really do without them. Sometimes that might happen around your wedding day, or even during it.
With her blessing, my wonderful bride Jasmine inspired me to talk about this topic after she suffered anxiety on her wedding day, and I thought, surely this must happen more often than we think?
Mental health affects us all at some point in our lives, and absolutely we want your day to be perfect.
However, I think it’s important to have understanding suppliers when you aren’t feeling quite yourself.
There’s sometimes an aspect of family politics at a wedding, or maybe a very loved person can’t be with you, or maybe your wedding coincides with other personal challenges. Maybe, your brain is just wired a little differently, your chemicals out of balance.
Whatever the reason, there’s no shame here. None.
How do we turn something that can feel so consuming and negative into something hopeful and positive?
I suffered with crippling anxiety in my teens and twenties, I can only speak from my experience and perhaps pass some knowledge on - this knowledge helped me to help my bride on her day, maybe it might help you too.
Read on for Jasmine’s experience and her tips for dealing with anxiety on your wedding day, and my tips further below for suppliers helping their couples.
Thank you for reading, and a massive thank you to Jasmine for sharing her experience.
Love, Katie xx
Jasmine’s experience:
“I lost my dad earlier this year, and this really set off my anxiety, not having him there, hearing him mentioned throughout the day really got my heart beating.
There can also be a lot of pressure when you are trying to enjoy your big day to acknowledge all your guests and ‘be happy’, smile and look them in the eye when you are not feeling your best is really hard.
It is often hard to admit that you are struggling with a mental health issue, how do you even broach that subject with people? Especially on your wedding day when people are drinking and having a good time, expecting you to feel super happy. Even though it is your day, you are still thinking about everyone else’s comfort and enjoyment too, the
mix of emotions can be overwhelming.
Anxiety tried to cripple me from the inside out, though it is a mental health experience, its impact can be very physical. I felt very sick and struggled to eat anything, or to feel I could breathe properly at points.
Learn to spot the signs of anxiety in others, are they feeling nauseous or dizzy? Is their breathing shallow? Are they just not quite themselves? If you spot this, suggest your couple take a few moments away to freshen up. Don’t pressure us to do or be anything, if we aren’t drinking much or dancing much, it’s not because we are miserable and don’t want to, we just need some time to process how we feel and come back when we are ready.
Katie understood I wasn’t feeling right, that I needed some space to be alone, have a glass of water, and we did photos later on when I was feeling better. We sat upstairs together in the evening too just the two of us, so I could have some air in a quiet space without being alone.
Jasmine’s tips for managing anxiety on your wedding day
What I would recommend is having a private space you can go to, to relax and get some air.
Plot small breaks in between the big parts of your day to relax, without the pressure of guests or photos etc, just for the two of you.
If you are struggling to eat, tell your caterer so they can look into options that would be easier to eat for you. Our venue caterers were amazing, they knew I wasn’t feeling well and gave me soup and strawberries that were easier to swallow.
Communication with your suppliers is so important, anxiety can often be tied to feeling in control. So, if something on the day is not as expected or changes, make sure your suppliers are on top of what is going on and can help, and keep us informed too. Likewise, tell them you aren’t feeling well and let them know if there is anything in particular they might be able to help with, for example changing your food order, offering a quiet room to relax.
If your anxiety kicks in on your wedding day, don’t beat yourself up about it. Acknowledge how you feel, do what you need to to feel better, and then remember the good things; that you got married, that everyone came, that you overcame your anxiety in the end. Fortunately, I was able to relax more in the evening, to dance and have fun.
Memorise those positive wonderful moments, not the anxious parts.
I also swear by Rescue Remedy!”
Katie’s tips for Wedding Suppliers
These tips are particularly relevant for ‘on the day’ wedding suppliers, make up and hair artists, wedding planners, venue co-ordinators, photographers and videographers.
1 - If things aren’t going to plan, don’t panic.
This is where your people skills need to come in. Flex with the timeline and put their needs first.
2 - Allow space. Don't pressure your couple, plot the couple time alone in their timeline, check they have water and snacks, and a loved one with them.
3 - Photographers: Have a Plan B for the most key photos should the time-line need to considerably change. Do group shots during the evening, or offer a 'dress-up day' for couple portraits and their family when they are feeling better.
4 - Do everything with kindness, communicate changes and check in with your couple. Work as a team with other suppliers throughout the day in a calm and sensitive way, away from guests.
RESOURCES & HELPFUL ARTICLES
NHS
https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-urgent-mental-health-helpline
Mind
https://www.mind.org.uk/
Silver Cloud
https://www.silvercloudhealth.com/uk
Headspace app
https://www.headspace.com/mental-health
Happiful: 7 Ways to beat pre-wedding anxiety
https://happiful.com/7-ways-to-beat-pre-wedding-anxiety-and-look-after-your-mental-health
Brides Magazine: Handling your wedding day anxiety
https://www.brides.com/story/handling-your-wedding-day-with-anxiety
Jasmine’s Testimonial
I came across Katie’s instagram a few years back and was absolutely blown away by her work. After following Katie for a few years I definitely knew she would be the photographer for me. My turn finally came around to be a bride and I knew I wanted Katie to capture mine and Sam’s wedding day more than anything in the world.
And wow how can I even put into words how much of a beautiful soul Katie is. I definitely don’t think I would have made it through the day without her. Katie is more than a wedding photographer she was my total rock. A best friend. Someone you wish you had around you all the time.
After suffering with bad anxiety on our big day. Katie often took me to the side gave me kind words, held my hand. And reassured me at every moment. What a blessing Katie really is, a real life angel.
Our wedding photos will be something we treasure for the rest of our life’s. And I’m so honoured that they have been taken by you.
Such natural beautiful moments that where captured. I really did love every minute of our day and am so grateful I have these moments to look back on and treasure.
Header Photo Credits: Workshop Milkshake Kisses, Workshop Leaders Pierra G Photography and Russell Kent Nicholls, Concept and Design by Pink Palm Events, Florals by Bud Flora. Dress by Halfpenny London. Accessories by Botias Accessories. HMUA by Storme Makeup.